From The Top
by Letmehavemymoment
Summary: You see the problem is they weren't normal. People always speculate what normal even means but really they aren't remotely on the spectrum of normal. ...Even as a child I understood. I knew from that day forward the supernatural existed. My dad dedicated the rest of his life, hell mine and Sam's life to finding what killed his wife...our mother.
1. Chapter 1

Dean Winchester was lost. His brother, Sam, had left him for college. Standford to be precise. Every other brother would have been ecstatic, completely blown away and overwhelmed with pride for their sibling. Truly, he was proud of his little Sammy. He'd watched his kid brother Blossom from a chubby little twelve-year-old into a lanky fix foot four-man.

You see the problem is they weren't normal. People always speculate what normal even means but really they aren't remotely on the spectrum of normal.

My mother burned in a house fire when I was four.

_Well sort of. Her stomach was sliced and she burned on the ceiling above my brother's crib while my father and I watched. I watched my mother burn to a crisp. Lucky we even escaped. _If my dad hadn't placed Sammy in my arms, presenting me with a reason to live, I would've stayed to burn with my mother. I suffered minor burns. I carry the scars with me like memories. They always remind me of the loss, grief, and destruction that has followed me form that day forward.

Life never regained normality.

Dad always said I was responsible for Sammy. It's like I lost both parents with the fire and became Sam's new father. Instead of taking care of us my dad became obsessed with vengeance. It seems crazy to most. They don't know what we saw that night. They'll never carry that memory. They won't ever swear up and down they saw an unexplained shadow the night their world changed.

Even as a child I understood. I knew from that day forward the supernatural existed. My dad dedicated the rest of his life, hell mine and Sam's life to finding what killed his wife... our mother.

Maybe I shouldn't be so inclined to fight. Maybe I shouldn't follow my father's unorthodox declarations. Should subsist more like Sam?

Sam can't comprehend why I'm like that. Maybe its because dad beats me any time I'm not obedient? Not that Sam would know. I protect him from all of that. I would never let dad lay a finger on Sam.

John, Dad, is gone now too. Not dead as far as I know but gone. Vanished. Disappeared. Beat me one good last time then fled. Not a phone call, text, hell not even the typical note. His car, however, a beautiful 1967 Impala, was left in the motel parking lot. Keys in the ignition.

That's where my story begins.

I'm floating gradually working my way back to consciousness. I can see light shining through my eyelids. _Fuck my head hurts._

Abruptly my whole body hurts. I gasp before sucking air through my clenched teeth. My eyes flutter open. The room is spinning. _I can't see through my right eye._ I'm panicking. _Why am I on the floor? I don't see dad anywhere. Fuck I hurt._

I smell metal pretty sure I can taste it too. Like the iron in blood. It's almost enough to make me gag. Almost. I don't dare move. Not yet, first I must figure out what's going on. I look down at my chest it's covered in blood. My blood.

Almost enough turns into more than ample and I'm suddenly heaving. I only manage a bit of stomach acid. I don't really eat enough for my stomach to properly revolt. Foods more of a reward or privilege according to my father and I don't deserve more than what's essential to live and hunt off of.

The sight of my bloody chest draws it all back.

"Dad please."

"Dean you don't get to tell me what to do! You act like you forgot how this works. I'm the father. Yours and Sams. I know what's best for him and if I say I'm going to drag his sorry ass back here then I'm going to drag his sorry ass back here. Are we clear?!" John steps closer to Dean so close their noses basically touch as he screams in his son's face.

"Yes sir, we are clear...but he's been in school for two years already it seems redic..."

Suddenly He feels his back connect with the wall his jaw throbbing.

It all begins to blend together after that. I'm pretty sure I've got the basic idea, based solely on the aftermath.

"Dad..." I grunt softly as I begin picking myself from the floor.

I'm on my feet but it's not long until I'm back on my ass. Black spots dance around my eyes and I think for a second maybe I'll hurl again. Luckily, I don't and manage to get to my feet on the second try.

I only briefly scan the room for my father. I'm relieved when I don't see him. Then it hits me. _He probably went to get Sam!_ I'm stumbling towards the door not sure what I really think I'm going to do. _Run him down maybe?_ I swing the motel door open and to my strange relief, the Impala is where we'd left it.

It doesn't make any sense if he were going after Sam he'd need a vehicle. Logically he could've stolen one but that's not Dad. He loves that car. Not as much as I love her but he certainly loves her.

I don't give myself much time to dwell on it. I need a shower. God, do I need a shower.

"This is my chance," I say watching my blood, sweat, and literal tears wash down the drain. "I could leave before he gets back."

It's a fleeting thought. _If dad caught me I'd be dead or worse. I should give Sammy a call make sure dad hasn't talked to him. Gotta make sure dad isn't gonna get 'em._

I still feel dirty after my shower. The feeling of filth never leaves me. Neither does guilt, hunger, sadness, pain...

I shake my head. Just call Sammy.

Anxiety overpowers all emotion while I wait impatiently for Sam to answer.

"Dean...?"

**Please do me the biggest favor and favorite, follow and comment. I need to know if I should continue this or scrap the idea before I put an enormous amount of effort into this story.**


	2. Chapter 2

I got away. I escaped my previous life. Leaving my past behind was the best thing for me although, not seeing Dean was an unforeseen consequence. I was naive to think my brother would want to see me after I'd walked out on him.

Dad told me if I left I couldn't come back. His harsh words never phased me. I have no plans on returning.

It's not that I don't want justice for my mother, it's that I don't believe its worth mine or my brother's life.

I begged Dean to come with me. He wouldn't even consider it. I was so angry that I stayed silent as he drove me to the bus stop. My selfish ass barely said goodbye.

I lay awake as I do more and more often. My longing to see my brother has become ridiculously overwhelming. We still talk occasionally but it's not enough.

I glance to my left. My alarm clock reads _3:23_ _A.m. _in bold red. I briefly consider the time. _I could give him a call._ I know I shouldn't. I always wait for him to call. It's not that I don't want to. I just don't have a clue what time it is where he is or if he's in the middle of a hunt. My greatest fear by far, however, is my father answering.

I haven't spoken to my father since I left.

I hear a soft content sigh next to me. I stiffen for a moment before I realize...it's just Jess.

My eyes are closing. I can feel myself drifting...My eyes are open. My phone is ringing. Jess, I can't wake up Jess. I'm on my feet snatching my phone from the bedside table. I quickly stumble to the kitchen before looking at the caller ID. It's unknown.

I answer.

"Dean...," I question. It's the only person besides dad I think would call at this hour on an unknown number. I go with Dean he's the safer bet.

"Hey, Sammy."

I was right it's Dean. His voice is strangled and pained.

"Dean, are you alright what's going on? You don't sound great," I whisper.

Completely ignoring the question, Dean speaks, "What time is it there Sammy?"

"Huh, like three-thirty in the morning. Why?"

Dean cringes, "Shit sorry If I'd known I wouldn't have called."

"Yeah about that..." Sam scratches his head, "Why did you call?"

I don't mean to sound so direct but he's scaring me. It's not a holiday or a birthday he has no obvious reason to be calling.

Dean sighs, "Has Dad contacted you?"

"What?" Sam is baffled. "Why would Dad call me?"

I can hear Dean shifting. "Mind if I come up?"

My eyes widen I've entirely overlooked the subject change. "No, not at all!" My voice is high. "Please be my guest, Dean."

"Awesome... give me a few days to get up there Sammy boy."

"Wait! What about Dad? He's not coming right. He's not welcome here. I don't want to see him, Dean. I'm not welcome in his life and he's sure as hell not welcome in mine."

"Woah, Sam chill out. I never said anything about Dad. It's just me." Dean's voice is becoming increasingly more tired. I can tell his tone is forced.

"I don't understand. You're always with Dad?" I flop myself down in a kitchen chair my head spinning.

"Hey, we go solo sometimes, Dude, don't worry about it," Dean says soothingly with a shrug.

"Dad lets you hunt alone!?" I can't believe my father would be so reckless.

I hear Dean laugh. "I'm twenty-six dude."

"Okay...whatever. Still, you guys shouldn't hunt alone. Well, Dean, I gotta get to bed. I have a class this afternoon."

I really don't want to stop talking but Jess will be mad at me if I miss class tomorrow. _Jess, I haven't mentioned Jess to Dean shit or Dean to Jess for that matter._

"Yeah...yeah of course," Dean's voice is high and cracking now. I can tell he's trying to stay light and friendly.

"Goodnight Dean..."

"Nigh Sammy."

The call ends.

"I love you...," I say softly knowing he can no longer hear me.

The call ends.

"I miss ya, Sammy," My dry throat rasps out.

I throw my phone onto the kitchen table before collapsing on top of the motel bed the lights still on.

_Shit, I have to leave. What happens if Dad shows back up._ _I gotta get to Sammy. Gotta make sure Dad isn't going after him._

Next thing I know I'm back on my feet packing my shit. For the first time, I notice Dad's bags are gone. He's not returning. I'm filled with even more dread. It looks like he really is going after Sam.

I make sure everything is packed and loaded in front of the Impala. It still doesn't make sense why he'd leave his beloved car.

Keys I need the keys.

I run back inside frantically searching for the keys. _Dad always has them on him he probably __has them._

I feel like crying. I need those damn keys. My head is pounding I feel intensely nauseous. It's only getting worse.

I try for the door handle. To my complete shock, it opens. Dad left the car unlocked? He would never.

I glance over the interior. I stall before doing a doubletake. The keys are in the ignition. Dad left...the keys...in the ignition. This isn't right. He left it unlocked with the keys in the ignition. Suddenly it feels like a trap. I feel like I'm being tricked or tested. Like Dad is seeing if I'd leave given the chance.

I hastily throw my bags in the back. I'm in such a hurry to leave I burn rubber on my way out.

I don't go far. Just far enough to feel the slightest bit more protected. I need to vanish. I'm still afraid Dad will return to the motel. If I'm gone and he returns I'll have hell to pay. Maybe he already knows. It probably was all a test. He'll be on my ass soon if it was.

I park in an abandoned parking lot. The doors are locked. I maneuver myself into the back and allow myself to have a restless sleep. The sunrise should be enough to wake me up in the morning.

First thing tomorrow I must hit the road.

I'm coming, Sam.

**I'm enjoying this story. Tell me if you'd prefer the chapters to be longer. Please follow, favorite and comment to let me know you like this story.**

**I went back and re-edited this chapter. It didn't seem very polished. I hope it improved the read.**


	3. Chapter 3

My back burns with the memory of last night. The adrenaline still courses through my veins. Sam is laying beside me in the motel double bed. My old T-shirt, now stained with spots of red, clings horrifically snug to the delicate burns on my newly mutilated skin. Slowly, I slide my way out from under the covers. My bare feet flinch away as I attempt to place them on the frigid hardwood floor. _Evaluate the damage. Get yourself fixed up before Sammy finds out._ Walking softly I make my way to the bathroom. Closing the door slowly I turn on the light. My reflection greets me in the filthy bathroom mirror. I'm sickly pale. For the first time, I notice the tremors shooting through my weakened body. Turning my body to the side I begin lifting off my shirt.

"Shit..., " I gasp out.

The dried blood adhered the fabric to my burns. On a normal day, I'd rip it off like a bandage but I can't risk the noise.

My father is finally unconscious, passed out after his drunken rage. I could use Sam's help but I'd never want little Sammy to see this. He needs his sleep, anyhow he's an eleven-year-old getting roughly five hours of sleep a night. That's fucking pathetic.

What's even more pathetic is me. I should be able to take care of a couple of burns by myself. I don't need some fucking kid to help. I'm sixteen for god's sake.

I grit my teeth and bear it as I rip burns free of its fabric prison. Once my shirt has been removed I grip the sink watching as cold sweat pours down my face.

I'm disgusted by my reflection. What I see is a one hundred and ten-pound failure, a deserving victim of abuse but most prominent a scared sixteen-year-old kid. That's what gets me the most. _Grow the fuck up._

Hastily, I slap some ointment on my burns then change into a new semi-clean cotton T-shirt. After discarding my old one at the bottom of the trashcan, I embark on a dazed march back into bed. The burns really actually should have been cleaned but I can't reach and I don't have assistance. As long as I don't get an infection like last time I should be able to take care of it myself.

Sam never has to know or experience what our father does to me. I'll never spill and he seems too caught up in his innocence to unveil the curtain. His world would end if he knew.

_

It's boiling hot. My breath comes in harsh labored gasps. I wonder briefly if this is what my mother felt as she went up in flames. My body aches as I shift in an attempt to escape the intense heat. I feel the incredulous anguish of my dad's torment. My clothes are soaked in sweat. It's impossible to know if it's strictly from the heat or the phantom pain of my back burning. Probably a nice cocktail of it all. I crack my eyelids open. It's morning...no scrape that sometime in the afternoon. Judging by the heat in the car the sun's rays have been beaming down on the black muscle car for many hours.

I blindly fumble around for my phone as I sit myself up in the back bench seat. Two missed calls from Sam...fuck. I'm a complete fucking idiot. How didn't I fucking wake up earlier? Probably because I didn't sleep three days prior to last night. _No excuses Dean. Doesn't matter why you didn't follow orders. The penalty is the same regardless. _

I gotta get out of this car. I'm fucking roasting alive. Guess this is what dogs feel like when their owner locks them in a hot car. The air feels warm and thick with every inhale. Every breath feels unnaturally forced.

I climb forward into the front seat. Turning the ignition next starting the air conditioning before I exit the vehicle. I dial Sam's number as I lean against the Impala.

I pat my jean pockets feeling for my cigarettes. _A few in moderation won't hurt. You're stressed you deserve it. _I frown when I don't feel the familiar sharp-edged pack.

"Dean what the hell?! I started getting worried when you didn't answer."

Suddenly the cigarettes were the farthest thing from my mind.

"Awe, little Sammy was worried," I whine out.

"Dude, shut up you jerk."

"At least I'm not a bitch, Samantha."

"Whatever," Sam murmurs. "So I need to tell you man...I'm living with someone."

"Like a roommate... sounds fun like a sleepover? You let 'em braid your hair?" I smile.

"Dean, a girl. Jess my girlfriend," Sam says slowly.

Now all I can think about is a cigarette. My mouth feels like cotton, I swallow thickly.

"Oh, wow you're growing up," I half-heartedly tease.

"I still want you here! Don't let it stop you from coming up." Sam's panicking I can tell.

"Sammy, I'm still coming to see you chill out. You told her yet?"

"Was going to after I was sure you were serious," Sam breathes a sigh of relief.

"Yeah well, get to explaining. Does she know?"

"About you? Sorta. Hunting? Absolutely not and it stays that way, " Sam's voice subsides into a pressing tone.

I'm turned around now learning into baby as I search for the pack. The inside of the Impala now friendly and inviting no longer a burning hell.

I raise my voice in defense, "Okay Jesus I get it." I say while seating myself behind the wheel closing the door once positioned. The frosty air cascades over my body.

"Good, I mean it. I gotta go, man."

"Me too man. I need to hit the road. Talk to you later, " I say as I reach over to the radio adjusting the station.

_I'm right nothing good ever plays_ _on the radio._

"Okay, call me when you're in California?"

"Will do, " I wait for Sam to hang up first.

I hear a beep as the call disconnects.

Disappointment creeps in when the call ends.

_

The glorious sound of Metalica fills the silence in the Impala as I pull into a diners parking lot. It'd been a couple of hours since talking to Sam.

I'm making pretty decent time. _Maybe if I drove through the night I could be there by tomorrow afternoon._

I put the Impala into park before reaching for the keys. Turning the Impala off as I swiftly open the door. Casually, I drop the butt of my cigarette on the pavement then step on top of it essentially extinguishing the flame burning inside it.

I continue my walk into the diner. The first thing I notice is the pretty little cashier staring at me. She's young barely twenty, long amber hair, stunning brown eyes almost like caramel. Oh yeah, just my type. For a second I think I have a chance before remembering what I currently look like. I'm covered head to toe in fresh bruises, healing stitches border my hairline from the last hunt gone wrong. Unfortunately, she's looking at me with pity not desire.

Avoiding eye-contact I sit myself down at the bar. Everything on the menu makes my mouth water. I'm not sure the last time I ate. _Two days? Three? _It doesn't matter. He's not here to tell me I can't. It's not been that long considering what I'm used to really. Dad usually fed me every second day. He'd always said it was to save money. As a child, I believed it. I, without a question, accepted that Sam was more important and warranted the opportunity to eat every day. Now as an adult I know that was a lie. He just didn't want to spend the money on me. Dad reckoned it was a waste to feed the "help" more than necessary. You'd think now at twenty-six he wouldn't have power over my eating patterns but that'd be wrong. He raised me as his solider. I follow orders, disobeying leads to punishment. I learned my lesson early on.

I end up ordering a burger and a black coffee. Nothing special just a cheeseburger no side to accompany it. Something else I've is learned is not to overdo it after going a couple of days without eating. I can only manage about two-thirds of my burger before I think I'm going to be nauseous. Yeah, that's enough. I call it quits there.

I wave my hand attracting a waitress's attention. She politely approaches me from the other side of the bar.

"What can I do for you," she smiles. Her smile is warm and genuine. She's pretty probably around her mid-fifties. Dad would be into her. She's what I imagine mom would look like if she'd gotten to be that age.

"Check please." I shoot her a forced smile back.

"Okay, Honey I'll be right back."

I cringe at the pet name as she walks away. She's back less than a minute later this time on my side of the counter. She softly places a hand on my upper back as she sets the slip of paper on a small plastic tray in front of me. I jump up from my seat. It feels like I've just been scorched with boiling water. I let out an exaggerated breathe then quickly attempt to shrug away the violation I suddenly feel.

"I'm so sorry sweetheart I didn't mean anything by that. I don't know what I was thinking," Her concerned face attempts to explain.

I force a smile "Warn a guy next time."

I fish my wallet out of my back pocket. Folding my wallet open I take a look inside. All I have is fifty made from two twenties and a ten plus a one-hundred-dollar bill. I grab a twenty. I know I need to put back whatever I can for Sam's birthday. I've always given him whatever I could manage on his birthday even while he's been away. It was a bitch to get his address, nevertheless, I made it happen.

After getting my change I'm back on the road. I'm low on cigarettes and even lower on gas. Just have to get gas and cigarettes and I'll be all set. Gas, cigarettes, and their annoying pain in the ass little brother. That's all a man needs.

Gas for his baby, cigarettes to feed his addiction (maybe alcohol too if I'm being honest), but most importantly his dork of a baby brother._ Yep, that's happiness. __All I need._

**I'm sorry this chapter is so bad! Please follow, favorite, comment anyway. Let me know your thoughts on this story so far. **


	4. Chapter 4

Okay, call me when you're in California?"

"Will do, " Dean breathes out.

I stall for a second hoping that Dean will hang up first or say something else. When he doesn't I hang up the phone.

_How am I supposed to just tell Jess my brother is spontaneously coming to see me?_

I roughly rub my hands down my face focusing on rubbing my fingertips over my eyelids. It's five fifteen Jess said she'd be back before six. I've already had all my classes for the day so all I can do is wait for her to return.

I'm dousing off when I hear it. It's the click of the key in our apartment door. Jumping up I can feel my nervousness building.

I wait for the door to open.

"Hey, Jess." My voice is shaking. _Come on Sam this is ridiculous._

"Sam!" She runs over wrapping her skinny arms around my sides locking her fingers behind my back. I hover my arms over her irrationally afraid she'll break like glass if I touch her.

I know she can feel the collection of sweat that's seeped through my grey v-neck shirt.

Loosening her grip and pulling away slightly she looks up into my eyes.

"What's going on? You're acting differently."

"Yeah, uhh..." I gently push her further away then pull her down into a seated position on the shaggy couch.

"Now you're really scaring me," Jess says twirling her long blonde hair around ber slender finger. "Have I done something wrong, Sam? Because, I'm pretty sure I'm perfect," She laughs awkwardly.

Anxiously I chew on my fingernails, a habit I developed as a child. Dean always told to me to quit. He didn't like looking at my raw and chewed fingers.

"No, you didn't do anything, Jess. My brother called me."

"Dean... Right?" I don't talk about him enough for her to even be sure on his name. I must really be a horrible person. What decent boyfriend doesn't tell his girlfriend about his brother. _What decent brother leaves his sibling without seeing or talking to him regularly._ "That's_ not fair," I tell myself._

"Yeah, Dean." I perk up with a smile. "Dean, He said he wanted to come to see me. I was dumbfounded when he asked, already told him he could. Hope that's okay," I cringe _already told him he could._ It sits funny on my tough, makes me feel like it's an order.

"Sam! This is wonderful I've never met another Winchester." She's hopping up and down. Her hair flowing up before slapping back down on her shoulders and chest. "What's he like? I imagine he's cute like you," Jess says poking at my stomach with a teasing incentive.

"He's something. Kinda short with light brunette hair- You know what?" I cut myself off. "Imagine the complete opposite of me and that's Dean."

"I'm sure he's great! I cannot wait." She jumps up from the couch. "I gotta get this place ready! When is he supposed to be here?" Jess struts into the open kitchen.

"Couple days maybe...Jess you don't have to prepare for Dean trust me. He's used to way worse, and he probably won't spend much time here, to begin with." I stand to join her in the kitchen.

I stalk behind her grabbing her by the waist and wrapping my arms around her.

"Yeah, but while he's here it's gotta be perfect." She leans into me.

"He won't be spending a lot of time in the apartment if any. We'll probably want to meet up somewhere else," I whisper into her neck.

"Hold up." Jess pushes away from me to stand in front of me. "You mean to tell me he's not going to spend the night here? Like here in the apartment."

"I never asked. He'll probably just stay in a motel nearby. Dean wouldn't want to stay here, not really his seen."

"No, he's staying here." She crosses her arms in front of the chest.

"Jess, I'm telling you that's not going to work. He's not going to be down for that."

"He'll make an exception, Sam. He hasn't seen you forever I'm sure he'll be okay with it." She sounds sure and confident.

"No, Jess he won't. Dean's stubborn he'll think he's being an issue. I wouldn't even know how to ask him to stay."

"Well, that's something you have in common. You're asking, no telling him to stay here while he's visiting.

"Jess, I'll ask but he's not staying," I sigh.

"He will," she mumbles.

"You don't know that," I insist.

"And you would? Sam, you haven't seen him in what two years? Things change and from how you act it doesn't seem like you two are even that close."

My eyes fill with hurt. She does"t know what she's talking about.

"You know I didn't mean anything by that, Sam." She reaches for my arm and I let her.

"Please just... it's stupid but I want you and your brother to have as much time together as possible. Even if some of that time is just him sleeping on the couch ten feet from the bedroom. I mean when is the next time you'll see him?"

I sigh, "Okay, I'll make him stay." _Easier said than done._ "I going to go shower."

"Yeah, I didn't want to say anything but," Jess pretends to gag. "It's pretty bad."

A smile erupts from both our faces.

**Sorry, this chapter isn't very long I've been having a really hard time writing this one. Please tell me what you think.**


	5. Chapter 5

You know the saying you either die a hero or watch yourself become the villain? I remember, Dad said it once after Sam left. At the time I was unnerved. In what way is he a hero? It's like he doesn't know he's already become the villain. So you fight against evil, maybe you've saved countless lives too but that's not the whole story. You also ruined your children's lives, beat, neglected, and psychologically abused your eldest son but hey, you're the hero.

My eyes slowly droop closed but only for a second before I rip them back open focusing them back on the road. Quickly I glance at the clock 12:44 A.M. so much for driving through the night. I can hardly keep my eyes open. _Come on Dean you can be there by noon. You don't really want to stretch this out another day. _I called Sam sometime after our first call today. I told him I'd be there in California on Wednesday and I intend to.

Re-adjusting my grip on the wheel I blink hard scrunching my eyes tightly before reopening them. _I wonder what Jess looks like. _Sam didn't tell me much... hell he didn't say anything about her besides saying she wanting me to stay at the apartment. I suspect Sam wants me there too or he wouldn't have opened that big mouth of his. He practically begged me. I'm such a sucker I never could say no to the kid.

I search around with my right hand trying to find a CD, never taking my eyes off the road. I need something to keep me awake. Once I've got the CD in I to turn it most of the way up. Yeah, ACDC should be enough to keep up for the next...nine or ten hours. Oh, yeah this is going to be a long one.

For the first time, I realize how bad it smells in here. It wouldn't be so bad if it weren't coming from me. I haven't showered in... two days now? Guess I don't really keep count. This can't be the first thing Sammy smells when he sees me. I'm already beat to hell and back I don't want to smell on top of that. _I'll have to stop at the next motel. _Knowing I can't possibly stay awake for the next ten hours, I decided to stop for the night.

Lucky enough for me, I see a sign only about ten minutes later. The lights are mostly burned out but the neon vacancy light shines bright as ever.

I'm mildly surprised to see a motel open so late. The elder man at the check-in eyes me fearfully as if I'm going to rob him or murder him and every person on the lot. I suppose he's looking at me the same way I look at Dad. I've grown used to this look maybe even strangely attached.

"Hey, uh" I cough into my elbow. "Just a single queen for the night," I say as I approach the counter.

"Yeah, okay." He isn't quick to move for any set of rusty keys. He's probably pondering whether or not he's going to get robbed or not.

"The keys?"

"Oh yes, the keys!" Quickly he reached for the wall of hooks behind him, each hook holds a key. "Room 108 should do you nicely. That'll be fifty-five dollars."

"Jesus," I breath out with reaching for my wallet. Time to break than one-hundred.

Patiently, I wait for the old geezer to hand me my forty-five dollars. I hardly feel bad for the guy. The way his shaky shriveled hands fondle the bills was almost comical the first two minutes now its just intolerable.

"It's two twenties and a five dude." I squeeze the bridge of my nose in frustration.

"I'm working on it."

Finally, he hands me my change among with a copper key with 108 painted across it.

Hurridly, I turn to leave spriting for the door.

"Have a good night."

I only respond by raising the key in the air before, rather aggressively, swinging open the cheap "office" door.

-

As soon as my head hit the dusty motel pillow I was asleep nevertheless it seems like as soon as I fell asleep it was time to get up. Reluctantly I crack my eyes open. Using my arms as leverage, I propel myself into a seated position.

"Just a shower then its a straight shot to Sammy. Ten hours is nothing."

Seemingly on cue, my stomach growls.

I briefly contemplate grabbing a bite to eat. _Fuck it off your mine Dean. _It can wait. Getting to Sammy is more important and I'm running low of finds.

I smoke a cigarette before getting my ass in gear and into the shower. Once I'm all "Squeaky" clean.

Straight out of the shower and behind the wheel, I'm on my way to my brother. Roughly ten hours and I get to see that stupid geek. I can't wait.

-

The sound of bed creaking wakes me up. My eyes wander aimlessly trying to find the source of the new dip in the mattress. I lock my eyes with Jess. She's leaning over me fully dressed her hair put neatly up in a high bun. Then it hits me she's going to class. _Shit, do I have any classes today?_ With all the anticipation I feel for seeing Dean I guess I started neglecting paying attention.

"Sam, " Her hushed voice whispered.

I roll over off my side and onto my back.

"Yeah, Jess." My throat is dry and sore. Must have slept with my mouth open.

"I'm going to head out now. I should be back before you meet up with your brother but in case I'm not I want you to call me. I could grab you guys some lunch or something. You know to make myself useful?" She kisses my temple gentle.

"Huh...Yeah okay, Jess." I didn't hear half of it but sounds good to me.

"I love you, " Jess says as he removes herself from the bed.

"I love you too..." I manage to say before she walks out of the bedroom. Shortly after I hear her leave the apartment.

I look over and check my alarm clock. Ten hours before I see Dean. Suddenly, I'm wide awake. My nerves standing on edge.

Ten hours before I see my dick of a brother. Man, I can't wait.

**I have so much school work I actually need to be doing but instead, I spent my time trying to push out this chapter. Next chapter they'll finally reunite it's been drug out long enough I apologize. Please favorite, comment you know all that jazz. **


	6. Chapter 6

Hours seem to be passing unbearably slow, a couple of minutes felt like a drug out eternity. The clock reads 12:30 P.M and Dean hasn't bothered to call yet. I can't seem to keep my mind straying to the worse possible scenarios. _He__ changed his mind but doesn't have the decency to just call and tell me. What if he crashed or got himself hurt and is lying unconscious in a ditch somewhere and I'm the jackass little brother that sat on his ass_ _without bothering to check up._ It seems farfetched, just a foolish thought, however, with my family's track record... _No no no no Sam no. If you're so worried just call._

"Fuck," I hiss reaching into my pocket to retrieve my phone.

I hold the small black device cupped it in both hands. Staring at the screen I itch for Dean to call me. _Please just call man. Don't make me be the little clingy_ _kid you know_, _because I will Dean but, Jesus, don't make me._ I watch the screen for another minute, nothing changes except the brightness of the screen as it goes dim, must be timing out. Exaggerated, I blow hair out of my mouth. _What am I afraid of, huh?_ Bothering him? The guy will call me at any hour so that would just be sweet revenge. No, what I'm worried about is simply Dean not picking up. I always tell myself that it's because I don't want Dad to pick up or I can't handle the idea of Dean being angry but no. Truly, I cannot stand the idea of Dean not picking up. If I called and he didn't answer me I'd worry myself sicker than I already do.

Without letting myself overthink it, I dial the number. Straight to voice mail, guess I shouldn't be surprised. Dean has never been one to have his volume on, hell he barely keeps the thing charged it. He probably just let it die, it wouldn't be the first time. _He'll call you back when he notices. _

What if he doesn't notice until he's near and doesn't know where to meet up? I haven't given Dean my address, all though, it seems unlikely that he doesn't already know but after I left Dean might have decided it was best to cut ties, just let me go. Guess it doesn't really matter, soon enough I'll reunite with my brother but I can't help wonder what this is all about.

-

I'm running dangerously late, it seems everywhere I went today there was something holding me back. Traffic mostly, although I did get "run-off" the road once or twice at least that's the story Sammy will hear. I could never tell him I got too dizzy or was on the verge of a panic attack, therefore, I had to reluctantly pull over every thirty minutes to an hour because I'm a weak man who can't handle his nerves.

It's around three o'clock when I decide it's time to call, briefly I wonder if he's tried to reach me. I raise my butt off the seat, making room for my hand to slide into my pocket. I flip the screen up only to be met with a solid blank screen. I aggressively smash the power key but it does nothing. _You didn't charge it, last night dumbass. This is why everyone thinks your fucking stupid. You can't even manage one of the most basic tasks._ "Guess I'll just have to show up unannounced."

-

My nervousness is intensifying. It's nearly nine o'clock without any word from Dean. Maybe I heard him wrong, but I'm sure he said today.

"You think he flaked on you?" Jess says laying on top of the beds duvet.

"No...maybe. Hell, I don't know Jess. I'm really starting to worry. You know I thought just maybe he could be on time for once." I explain while toweling myself off.

"Sam, Call him tomorrow okay?" Jess walks on her knees to the other side of the bed, reaching out for me and grabbing me by the bicep lightly. "Something harmless probably happened and it's just setting him back a couple of hours."

She looks up at me with such tender eyes. Her cropped t-shirt flows loosely around her body, I can see straight down it. Her long blonde curly hair rests perfectly on her narrow shoulders.

I can't help but smile. Jess has been nothing less than my dream girl. She's smart, beautiful, with a more than inappropriate sense of humor. I suppose it's similar to Dean's.

"I know, Jess but this is my brother we're talking about. I wouldn't admit this to anyone else but I love him. You know? He's my brother, I just really miss him."

I'm sitting on the bed beside her now. she's leaning into me.

"Come in let's get settled into bed, huh?" She takes my hand while lying back.

"Yeah, just let me get dressed first." I laugh.

"Unless..." I raise my eyebrows and she breaks out into a charming smile.

-

Parking outside Sam's apartment my heart is thumping terrifyingly fast. Anxiety creeps up from my fingertips working it's way up until the squeezing feeling in my chest is cutting off my ability to breathe properly. Scared eyes look to the radio. 12:48 A.M.

_Do I knock? Stay in the car for the night?_

_Break-in and crash on the couch?_

I smack my palms on the steering wheel roughly four times before wrapping my fingers around it with a death grip. My arms stiffen, as I grit my teeth. "FUCK!"

_This was a mistake I shouldn't be here. Dad probably isn't even coming for Sammy, he probably went off somewhere and got himself slaughtered. __Guess I can't take that chance...huh?_

My body goes slake. "Fuck it."

Adrenaline flows through my veins as I storm up to Sam's door. Knocking loudly I yell "Sammy! Let me in." I hear shuffling on the other side of the door.

-

I'm wide awake. My worries haven't been put to rest. _Dean changed his mind. _I grit my teeth hard as I try to stop myself from crying. The first tear falls opening-up the flood gates. I know it's not for certain but I can't help but feel hurt.

Then I hear it. I tell myself it's not the impala plenty of people have old muscle cars, don't get your hopes up but only minutes later I hear...

"Sammy! Let me in."

My head jerks towards the direction of the door before redirecting to Jess. She's stirring. _I knew it. He kept tabs on me._

I jump to my feet. _What the fuck. I didn't expect it to be like this. _

The walk to the door feels infinite, but in reality, it is only about twenty-five feet.

Walking...Walking... I'm here Dean's just behind the door.

"Give me a second man, " it comes out breathy and rough.

I'm opening the door... my eyes move from his feet up to his hair. Dean definitely doesn't look as he did when I left.

Pushing it aside I pull him into a big embrace. Dean feels familiar but yet he doesn't. This isn't the Dean I remember. This Dean is small and skinny looking as if he hadn't had a good meal in years. His face is bruised but I suppose that's not unusual.

"I missed you, Sammy." Dean's arms are wrapped tightly around me. I expect him to pull away at any second. He doesn't.

"I missed you more than you know, Dean."

Something doesn't feel right. None of this feels like it should.

I can't place the feeling it's not something I think I've ever felt before.

It hits me making my skin suddenly goes cold.

Dean is scared.

**Please fave and comment. I hope this chapter was worth the wait.**


	7. Chapter 7

**_This chapter talks about sensitive subjects so beware!_**

Sam inhales deeply, desperately wanting to breathe in the familiar scent of Dean, Which was usually musky cheap cologne with the faintest hint of alcohol clinging onto his poorly washed clothes, but instead, Sam inhales the suffocating scent of cigarette smoke. He cannot help feeling a sense of betrayal. Dad should've done something to stop him. Dad had enough authority over Dean to make him stop. Dean was practically Dad's shadow if Dad said stop Dean would've without hesitation. Maybe He's getting ahead of himself, just because he can smell cigarettes doesn't mean Dean was the one smoking. Cigarette smoke sticks to everything. It could, very well, be Dad who has been smoking around Dean or some random stranger he'd encountered on the way here. It doesn't mean its Dean, he knew better than to do something so stupid. Dean may not be the most conscious of his health, but he'd never smoke, but things change so maybe...

Another realization smacks him square in the face. Dean drove here in the impala which leaves Dad without a vehicle... but that doesn't make sense because Dad wouldn't just hand over the keys. That means...either dad is missing or he's dead... No, he couldn't be dead because Dean asked him if he'd heard from Dad. The other scenario Sam can picture is Dean stealing the car, but that doesn't seem plausible.

Dean feels so fragile under the weight of Sam's arms. He must have lost 20 or 30 pounds. Dean wasn't big, to begin with definitely couldn't accord to lose the weight. Sam would have to ask him about that. He doubts Dean has any clothes that fit properly at this point. His jeans are practically falling around his ankles and Sam is pretty sure Dean stills wears a belt.

Sam remembers a period of his childhood where all his teachers had been concerned, forcing them to attend secret conferences. They always threatened to call authorities on account of Dean's weight and bother boys bruised bodies. It wasn't uncommon for them to carry around a couple of nasty bruises, Dean more so than Sam, but that's just what comes with hunting.

Sam instinctually begins to pull away from the hug needing to seek out some kind of reassurance from his brother but before Sam's eyes can meet Dean's he feels himself being pulled right back into his previous position.

* * *

Dean feels Sam begin to pull away which in response He grabs him tighter pulling him into himself. He's not ready to let go of Sam just yet. Dean has waited too long for this for it to end so quickly. He's practically holding his whole reason for existing encircled in his arms. After a few more seconds he reluctantly allows Sam to pull away. Dean is still subsisting in the doorway half inside the apartment half outside. With trembling hands, he gently pushes Sam aside creating a pathway inside.

Dean's eyes connect with a young blonde standing with her arms crossed over her chest. She's quietly standing by what Dean presume is their bedroom. It's Jess he can only assume, who else could it possibly be unless little Sammy has a side piece. Jess is beautiful, petite, maybe a little too much attitude judging by her stance.

"Hey, I'm Jessica, Sam's girlfriend. I've heard so much about you." She shoots Sam a look it's evident by the expression on her face the last statement was a lie.

"Please make yourself comfortable. We're really glad you decided to spend your visit here." Her voice is light and seemingly genuine, enough to make him almost believe her.

Dean holds his hand up with his arm bent at the elbow allowing himself to respond with a halfhearted wave in her general direction.

"It's Dean, but I'm sure you knew that already. Uh so thanks I guess but I'm rethinking the whole staying here thing, " Dean says turning his head looking around the apartment. He spots Sam in the corner watching his encounter with Jess as if he's a wild animal and Jess is his prey.

Sam steps forward. "Okay... let's talk about this in the morning...huh?" He points to the couch."Jess, Sweety, could you grab a spare pillow and blanket for Dean please?"

Jess responds by nodding her head before causally walking into the bedroom. Dean can tell she's nervous maybe even scared, the slight shakiness in her movements tell all.

Dean walks with trembling legs over to the couch if the sounds of footsteps are any indication, Sam is following. Before he knew it Sam was right beside him whispering in his ear "What's going on here, man? I'm glad to see you. Trust me, Dean, so fucking glad but man you're freaking me out here. First off, you call me at nearly three in the morning asking if I'd heard from Dad then randomly requesting for the first time in two years to see me. Secondly, you haven't explained any of this to me! Like where is Dad? Or why are you driving the Impala? Or I don't know why you're even here! Also, Dean seriously you've become a walking skeleton. Are you sick, injured, stressed? Hell, I don't know!" Sam's not angry more confused than anything but he knows the only way to get answers from his brother was to be assertive and determined.

"Sammy, you'll get your answers. Not all at once, but I promise just give a couple of days to figure all this out and you'll get your answers."

"Dean, What does any of that even mean! Just tell me this, man are you okay?" Sam is no longer whispering to avoid Jess from hearing. He's moved into more of a low yell.

Dean jerks away roughly at his words. "Now don't you dare get angry with me, Sam. Maybe you haven't noticed yet, but I'm not exactly who I was the last time you saw me. Do you understand? I can't deal with you being mad at me. I just can't deal with it so please for the love of God, hold it back long enough for me to answer. Just give me enough time to at the very least, give my explanations." Dean's voice is broken, barely able to complete his thought, as his eyes begin swelling with unshed tears. Quickly, he turns away from his brother thoughtlessly rubbing away his tears.

Seemingly on cue, the bubbly blonde comes prancing out of the bedroom holding bedding. Jess seems to stop in her tracks once she's seen the distress on both our faces.

"Uh...Here Sam." She holds the blankets and pillows out for Sam to take. Sam quietly accepts sending her a small nod of recognition. He sneers at me not missing my avoidance of his questions.

"I'm going to head to bed..."

"Be there soon," Sam mumbles.

Jess leaves quickly trying to avoid any unwanted confrontation.

"Dean, I don't have class tomorrow so we'll talk after Jess leaves for her seminar in the morning. You better talk."

"I will."

"Good. Night Dean." He pats Dean on the back causing him to stiffen. Dean's relieved when Sam doesn't seem to notice.

"Night...Sammy," Dean says through clenched teeth feeling the sting of memories bombarding him.

* * *

Dean drifts deliberately into wakefulness. The sound of soft almost feminine footsteps penetrates his ears before his eyes abruptly jerk open with the sound of a closing door. Just as the shock wears off Sam comes into view standing in last night's pajamas his bed hair in full affect.

"We're going to get you some breakfast, Dean. Get up." Sam stands confidently next to the couch.

"Can't a man have a second to himself, " Dean's voice sounds dry and raspy.

"Not until I know what's going on. Get dressed. The bathroom is over by the kitchen. Don't take too long primping." Sam smiles.

"Oh well, you know me. I have to make sure I'm peak attractiveness always. Wouldn't want to look like you." Dean pulls himself into a seated position chuckling to himself. Man, how he'd missed this banter.

* * *

Dean stands sheepishly in front of the bathroom mirror hesitantly he begins removing his shirt. He stops midway through checking the doors lock for the third time.

The rattling of the doorknob didn't go unnoticed by Sam. It wasn't that Sam was actively trying to creep on his brother but he couldn't help himself from hovering by the door. He was a little shocked when he'd heard the door being locked it had always been a spoken rule between the boys to keep the bathroom door unlocked in case something were to happen. They were always injured and at supernatural risk. It was just a safety precaution taught to them by their father. Sam knew better than to say anything, tensions were already high between the two.

Noting for the third time the door was indeed locked Dean proceeded to remove his shirt. He was greeted with the sight of various raised scars scattered across his boney back and upper chest. _Disgusting_ he thought looking himself up and down. Dean has three categories for his scars Dad, Himself, and Hunting. The scars from his father live mostly on his back decorating his skin with rather neat circular burns, although, he did have a few long ones caused by a drunken father with a leather belt. Dean would rather die than Sam know the truth. It's his job to protect his little brother, even from the truth.

The cuts created by Dean were generally very aligned thin scars placed anywhere he knew he could hide. All of them except the nasty, red, vertical scars running from both his wrists into about a fourth of his forearms. This was by far his biggest regret, although, he'd never regretted doing it just living through it. Dean always wonders why he didn't just use his gun, instead of getting all poetic with it. Probably because he wasn't completely convinced he wanted to die, but even so he did a number on himself. It's not a night Dean liked to relive, the night Sam left that is. In order to hide the majority of the damage on his wrists, he started wearing thick rubber bracelets deliberately placed over his scars.

Dean avoids looking at the rest of his body too closely. He cannot confront the disgust he feels for his too slim frame.

* * *

Dean quickly showers, having taken an adequate amount of time examing his body, he knows Sam has to be getting restlessly bitchy by now.

Once Sam hears the shower turn off he darts to his room to get dress, hoping he can be ready before Dean. He is successful and tries to make himself look causal.

A few minutes later Dean walks out followed by a cloud of steam. God, he could use a cigarette right about now.

"Alright man lets go."

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